after several days 0f awaiting 4 promotional examination result..finally it was release today..everything turn out to be what i expected..i cant deny that i have some hard feelings towards the outcome..but i told myself that i have to be strong no matterwhat happencause since my friend can be strong..why cant i?i do have the urge of crying..but i try to control..it was really very difficult..she called and ask me about my result and i told her the outcome..seriously i'm not expecting any consollin words from her or what and at least not some hurting words as well..she just say that i shall try appealling for poly then..i told that she would maybe say some nice words when they get back..instead..they start ranking at me over other stuffs which make me feel that they are venting anger on purposely..
AND RIGHT HERE I SHALL TELL YOU THAT WHAT YOU SAY JUST NOW IS DAMN HURTING AND I DIDNT EXPECT YOU TO RUB SALT AT PEOPLE'S WOUND!!!
i cant deny that my result want as good as her..and fulfil your hope of me getting into year 2 smoothly..AT LEAST I TRIED AND NOT GIVING UP RIGHT FROM THE START..i feel that there's nothing for me to regret or i should regret about..instead i'm treatin these as a learning point for me..虽然我的成绩考得不是比人家好，但是我不认为我比别人差。AT LEAST I TRIED ENTERING MI TO TRY AND FIND OUT WHETHER I CAN COPE WITH A LEVELS OR NOT INSTEAD OF NOT TRYING AND WHEN ROUND TELLING PEOPLE DONT CHOOSE A LEVELS..i'm already quite sad about my result and yet you stil give this kind 0f remarks..s0unding as though it was my fault and decision to produce these results..and yet when i'm preparing for all these major examination, you don't or even seem to be supporting me at all..if you didnt noticed, these were what had happen over the years since i started secondary school..
from the very first day i step into secondary school, into Normal Academic stream, no one in this house seem to show at least some support in my studies or even anything that i decide to do..in the year of secondary one, when it was Parents-Teacher meeting,you was so reluctant to go see my teacher,when teacher break the good news to you that i was 2nd in class, you did not react to that good news..i wasnt given any reward for the hard work that i've put in...as compared to her, she's always rewarded for being top in the class..there wasnt any motivation from then on..though when i went into secondary i keep on sayin that i want to maintain my position..but deep in my heart i know that no matter how much i excel in my studies, i wouldn't be recognise with all the efforts that i've put in..from then on, my result has been dropping..during the days that i was busy preparing for N level, simislarly, no one in this house supported me or give me some words of encouragement that can drive me further..instead, i'm being forced to finish all the housework before i start any revision..after completing all the housework, i wasnt left with much time to study,so i decided to go study at library with friends after school..no matter how tired we are, we stil drag each other along to do our revision..none of them bother to come and ask me how am i going with all the preparation and stuffs..but MANY pressuring and sarcastic "encouragement"...my friends know about my situation and they had been giving me ALOT of encouragement..i should really thank you them because if it weren't for their encouragement, i guess i wouldn't have coe this far passing my N Level proudly with the grades that i get..and also all the teachers who had been supporting throughout those 'PEAK PERIODS'..i really envy other people who always have their family members supporting them throughout their hard times..unlike me..i got to depend solely on myself and those motivation from friends and teachers..they will only say ALOT sarcastic words to hurt my feelings and demoralise me..since then onwards, i keep on reminding myself that no matter what happen, my family wouldn't be there to support me or be with me..instead, it will only be all my friends and teachers be around me..there are people in this family who will backstab people for their own good and gain credit, people who wil keep on threatening you and saying hurtful words to hurt your feelings, people who wil ignore you when you want to heed their advice, people who thought that they know you well and thought that they are the worms in your stomach--it's all NOT TRUE!!
(t0 be continued)
nyonya
