a little message to Darling boi(if he happens to read this later on):

Baby will wait for you de..baby will wait for you to book out come find me immediately de..baby really want to see you real soon!!do take care and drink more water when you are in camp, anything must call or sms baby immediately ok???*hugz Darling Boi..*

*darling boi: baby will keep to her promise and will never break it even when you are serving NS(re-service)..*HUGZ DARLING BOI*

that's all for now..i think today i blog alot sia..hehe..

right now very sad staying at home because i was being force to be a "good" girl..trust me..i am going to hate you for life..because what you are doing and saying now really makes me feel like getting married right now at this very second or minute or maybe even tomorrow which i wouldn't mind at all..it is because at least i can free from all those stupid restrictions that you have and lead a happy life with DB everyday and also without any worries..YES!!!that is the kind of life that i wanted to have..start smiling the moment i open my eyes and give DB good morning kiss every morning..enjoying doing whatever things that we want without any restrictions or curfew..wouldn't that be nicer???

AND NOT waking up everyday wondering what "songs" you going to start singing when i step out of my room..DON'T YOU KNOW THAT WHAT YOU ARE DOING WILL SPOIL MY DAY AND MAKES ME EVEN MORE SICK OF YOU?? i guess you will never able to understand what i thinking because you are always living in your own world assuming that you are always right and making lots of assumption based on your own thinking without any ground proof or evidence..what happen in your generation will not happen again if you did not repeat it. but looks like you are trying to let history be repeated and want me to lead the life that you have lead in the past which i find it very unfair to me..everyone else in the family has their own rights to decide what they want and what they want to do..but i was never given the chance.does that consider biasness?other than that..it seem that only my life is filled with so many restriction while the rest does not..i have curfews..i cant go to any chalet even not staying over night..i cant stay over night outside..i cant have the freedom to choose what course and school i want to attend..i cant have any rights to decide what i want..seriously i find it useless for me to stay at home everytime i think about all this..i really find it meaningless staying at home during weekend and for now even weekdays..mainly because i get rantings for no reason..and i wouldn't get to rest most of the time..AT LEAST IF I AM NOT AT HOME, i still can happily spending every minutes and seconds with DB without any worries and we can just enjoy in the world of our own..i find it more meaningful and i feel happier in that way.. sometime i just don't understand why when many parents want their children to be happy and yet my parents seem to feel happy letting me suffer all this which they think that is happy only? Db say that we have to become parents le then we will understand how parents think..YES i CANT DENY THAT..but definitely we should always let our children to be happy and not tailoring their life to suit us..instead, tailoring their life to what suits them the best and what is best for their development..

hmmm..conclusion for these few days..i have really been trrying very hard to reveal back to the character that you wanted because afterall is you the one who tell me and it really knock me into some sense.definitely i'll really make full use of this final chance(for the time being) that i requested to put in my utmost effort that i never know that i have or i can put in. i believe changing one perception or mindsets really needs lots of time thus, do wait patiently because i am slow in everything. from thinking, talking, recalling, even processing what people say. but i don't know anyone understand what i am going through. people may think that i am just trying to escape from reality, however i really cannot deny the facts that i do want to do that as well..certain things are meant to remember and yet i have forgotten, i will say that because i have poor memories. it may really sound like an excuse to escape from reality. but i also cant deny the facts that i do really have poor memories lately. it may be because i choose not to remember certain things and end up i did not remember anything. and what i hate most is when i try to recall back, my head will just hurt like nobody business and i get pek chek and angry damn easily. ok.. i know that this may sound like an excuse again ba..i don't care le..i just really feel that it is really what happen to my weak and lousy body.

ok..shall stop here le..e headache is getting unbearable le..shall try to take a short nap before school ba..otherwise when go work that time Chai Ying will say i look like very tired with my small little panda eyes..

* I will fully utilizes my final chance(for the time being) because i believe that if i can handle this for now, there shall not be much difficulties for anything that happens in the future..i want to endure no matter what happen or how negative the situation can be..

today was the first time i received tips since i joined..the last time i received tips was at RT..i guess this little tips is a little encouragement for me..because my mind has not been at work lately and i even thought of leaving..haha..think i will stay a little longer for now ba..hmmm..next..i think i am bad; i'm selfish; i'm cruel; i'm heartless; i'm coward; i'm useless; i'm weak; i'm stubborn;what are other words suit to describe me for today??? i can't think much le..

what can i do now???should i really consider what you suggested?? or should i think of alternative??i really don't know what to do now..

g0tta end here le..because need to prepare for work le..

PS: SARA if you happen to read this..must meet up soon ok???i want my birthday present from you!!!!haha..

k la..i shall end here le..g0tta prepare my stuffs for work le..